FEEDING BY TUBE

I HAD had a drip feed before but this was performed during surgery. I had no idea what to expect. A wonderful nurse named Eloise said she would go to the department and stay with me while the procedure was performed. Once more wheeled into another sterile room. There were many faces, young faces. Soft music played in the background. Chemotherapy destroys and burns your veins, they were having a hard time in finding a vein. They tried and tried for three and a half hours in what should have only taken a matter of minutes.

I was exhausted and after several attempts of trying to insert an injection into my neck, one of the doctors said ‘Stop’ my chest wall was starting to swell…someone else asked why? another said he did not know. One doctor placed both hands on the right side of my chest and tried to push the swelling down. I was hysterical.

Another doctor entered the room and asked me to give him my left arm. I did so. He managed to have the tube in place in seconds. I have no idea what happened that evening, whether they were a group of students practising their technique and I was chosen for the event. One thing I did know I would NEVER ever have a feeding tube again.

I was in a great deal of pain and taken to the Oncology ward. I had only been to Oncology as an out patient and had never been to the ward. It was now midnight and Stephan had been waiting hours for me, he was tired and stressed out. I told him to go home and get some rest. Christine a kind and sweet nurse, as were they all’ said to me ‘Here, there is no pain’ if you need something just call me’

I spent the night listening to someone in another room crying with pain.

The following day the pain in my chest was intense and it was hard to breathe. I was sent for an x ray and told there was air in my lung. The doctors in their wizdom the evening before had punctured the lung with a needle. I would have to have a tube inserted to remove the air.

Once more wheeled to another department. I was hoping this would be performed under sedation but no, a local anaesthetic was all that was needed. I was afraid and with good reason. A small incision was made under my right arm and a what I thought would be like a thin straw inserted… instead was a hard thick tube…I could feel the tube entering my lung and the pain intense. I wanted to scream but had little energy for such a luxury.

I had to help and tell them where and when I felt the tube.

If we could choose our moment to die, I would have chosen there and then.

Finally when the tube was in place they gave me a shot of morphine, the pain eased.
I was now back in my room. I had a feeding tube in my left arm, a tube draining my stomach and a tube leading out from my right lung attached to a machine drawing air from my now inflated lung.

I stayed in this position for seven days I could not move. I was given morphine shots every four hours. I had had enough and death would have been a sweet release.

Information for Feeding tubes

http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/coping-with-cancer/coping-physically/diet/managing/drip-or-tube-feeding